10 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE APRIL 8, 1994

EDITORIAL

Let's make sure we tell our own story

A couple of weeks ago a gay man died, his body giving out after being weakened by AIDS. Sadly, no big news there. He had made a life for himself, short as was, that allowed him to love, to be free, to do and believe according to his own mind; in short, to be himself.

Then he died, and his life was no longer his own. His biological family swooped in, "taking charge," deciding "what was best" for his funeral and burial. His lover and friends told his family what their son's wishes were: he wanted to be laid out in certain clothes, he wanted to be cremated, he did not want a religious service. The formerly estranged family instantly dismissed all of that—they knew what their son needed.

A business suit was substituted for the unconventional clothes request. This despite the fact that the son hadn't worn a suit in years.

Cremation and a secular service was not the family's way; the son was given the "traditional" wake and funeral service of a religion he had rejected years earlier.

The lover pleaded that, if the son was going to be buried in a cemetery, could it at least be the one near where he lived, so he could visit? This request was also spurned: "He's our son."

Close friends were devastated. The son's real life was not just being ignored, it was being spat upon. And this wasn't one of those horror story cases where the family had no prior idea about their son's sexual orientation. They knew, but never accepted it. Just like they couldn't comprehend the fact that their son was gay, they certainly couldn't deal with the day-to-day details of his life and hobbies: the rejection of his birth religion, the wigs, dresses, drugs, and sexually explicit magazines..

They chose his death as the time to impose their values on him. Now he was no longer gay; now they could have him as the son they always wanted, if not married, at least some sort of asexual altar boy.

This, unfortunately, is not big news either. There are thousands of such cases. How cruel. How sad. How angry we should all be.

The biological family described above most likely believes the argument that's being screamed by the radical right, that homosexuality is a "chosen lifestyle." But they never bothered to validate the rhetoric. "Chosen" by whom? Who do you know who has chosen to live the life of society's most despised, denounced sub-group just to spite their family's values?

The "chosen" road of homosexuality is not just the fast lane of dancing, drugs, drag and sex. It's also the emotional, gut-wrenching coming to terms with one's self as being a minority, of not fitting into society's expectations. It's a whole series of steps: accepting and loving one's self, telling others, being rejected by some and accepted by others, starting an alternative family or social structure to survive in the larger world.

But many falter along the way. Beaten down by the challenge to themselves, they look for easier answers that are more acceptable to society: they stay in the closet and wish it will all go away some day; they get married in the hopes it will cure them; they get "converted" back to heterosexuality by suppressing "those" thoughts and focusing all available energy on God; they commit suicide rather than live with their "terrible secret." All of these tactics are avoidance and not solution, which is sad because there is a way through the guilt.

Most of society's abhorrence of homosexuality comes from centuries of distorted messages, from people who were embarrassed by their nakedness and of sexual acts, from politicized religions that sought to control the thoughts and actions of their minions. Homosexuality (formerly called sodomy, based on an incorrect interpretation of the biblical story of Sodom) and heresy were uttered in the same breath to shame and frighten people into abject submission.

It's time that all gay men, lesbians and bisexuals do choose. Choose to come out of the closet. Choose to stop being so squeamish and apologetic about the gay community's drag queens, leather men and women, and those who display an in-yourface sexual attitude. Choose to come forward and explain why there is a gay subculture, how many diverse people it holds, and that we are proud of it. Choose to refute the lies and distortions about ourselves that are being peddled as fact.

Here are a few facts of our own:

Each human being is an individual. We are children of a higher entity. Because someone is different from their peers does not make them wrong, it makes them unique. As recently as this century, some school teachers were forcing left-handed children to write with their right hand, to make them conform to the majority!

It's time we all carried the message of "celebrate the self" to everyone: to parents, family, co-workers, friends, strangers. We are each who we are, regardless of what others may think, and we must insist that the power of the majority not quash our uniqueness. It's a continuous message, it's a neverending fight. But it must be carried on our lips for any one of us to survive as an individual.

Each one of us must educate as many people as we can about what it means to be lesbian or gay, about how once we accept ourselves and get past the denial and guilt, that we are as wholesome as anyone else, that our wishes and lives are to be respected, that there is a gay heritage and history that is a source of inspiration for future generations.

This is our story to tell, not theirs. Don't let people who are ignorant of lesbian and gay experience stand at the microphones and denounce us. We each have the power within ourselves to tell our own story-our empowering story-and demand that everyone else accept it. ♡

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Volume 9, Issue 20

Publisher: Martha J. Pontoni Business Manager: Patti Harris Managing Editor: Kevin Beaney Production Manager: Brian De Witt Reporters & Writers: Kevin Beaney, Doreen

Cudnik, Barry Daniels, John Graves, Charlton Harper, Joseph Morris, Martha J. Pontoni, Mike

Radice, Timothy Robson

Akron-Canton: Paul Schwitzgebel,

Jerry Kaiser

Art Director: Christine Hahn Sales Manager: Patti Harris Account Executives: David A. Ebbert, Doreen Cudnik

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SPEAK OUT

Another set of 'special rights' we seem to want

by Vince Morvatz

་་

While some of the rhetoric being used against us by the radical right is about our wanting "special rights," I believe there is a percentage of our community that expects and almost demands to have special rights.

Let's look at some of these special rights. Sometimes these special rights are seen in glaringly obvious ways and other times they are evidenced only after very close scrutiny. But they do nonetheless exist and are an integral part of how our community operates.

How honestly and ethically we relate to one another is one of those basic special rights. Many times those within the les-bigay community tear each other down just so we can build ourselves up without consideration to how that is perceived by others both within and outside our community. We need to realize that we are all in this fight for

You Can Have the Gay People's Chronicle equal rights together and that issues of race,

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age, sex or disability only further serve to divide us when we let those issues compartmentalize our lives and community..

When we subdivide ourselves into groups of male or female, black or white, young or old, rich or poor, activist or closet case, HIV negative or positive, drag queen or leather man, butch or femme, we have built up greater walls within our own ranks than our enemies can erect against us. Only until we have welcomed and celebrated the diversity of our own people can we expect those who do not know us or understand us to do the

same.

How can we expect those who deny us who and what we are simply on the basis of who we love, to respect and honor us when we don't even practice what we preach. We want our relationships to be recognized and protected yet we ourselves are sometimes our own worst detriment to those relationships. We want what our heterosexual coun-

terparts apparently have but yet we remain unwilling to make the same sacrifices and commitments in order to protect and preserve those relationships.

Sometimes we expect different ethical, moral or legal standards to how we run our business affairs and organizations. It seems as if we have different values and standards in how we treat our constituents and patrons and our accountability to those who support us. This sends an overwhelming message to those within our ranks as well as those who might support us that we can operate as exceptions to the rules. We are not answerable to the same standards or restrictions as the rest of society.

We expect and want to be treated as equal citizens but yet at times it appears we are constantly struggling to redefine our own definition of equality. Perhaps that inherent and persistent desire to constantly evolve, define and reassess our own idea of equality is what we're battling to grasp as our "special" equal rights.

If that grain of truth and reason can become the catalyst of change within our community, then perhaps there is a chance that we can achieve those equal rights by securing the rights of all people to seek their own "special rights."